David Walliams Quotes

When I was a child I devoured every book I could get my hands on. I loved losing myself in colourful and dramatic stories – and my absolute favourite was ‘Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.’ Everything about it electrified me, and when I re-read Roald Dahl’s books as an adult it surprised me.

I don’t think comedy is necessarily an attack. It’s finding humour in life. I don’t think if you’re making a joke about something you’re automatically demeaning it.

I don’t get recognized much, and am very happy with that. The fans I have met have all been delightful.

I have a pathological fear of being on my own. When I’m with my own thoughts, I start to unravel myself, and I start to think really dark thoughts, self-destructive thoughts.

We sit in a room for months trying to think of funny things.

Reality always outstrips fiction. Whatever you make up, something more incredible always pops up in real life.

It’s a weird thing because I’ve been single at the time when I’ve been successful. That’s good and bad. Good, because you meet lots of people, bad because your privacy is infringed, so it’s harder to develop things.

There’s a sort of magic and music to comedy. Some words, some numbers even, are funnier than others. A Caramac bar, for instance, is funnier than a Milky Way.

I just want to be happy, have kids, enjoy my life, help others and create some good work.

A bully can only make you feel bad about yourself if you let them.

TV has lost a lot of its self-confidence as its power has been eroded by the internet.

I had a very happy childhood, but I wasn’t that happy a child. I liked being alone and creating characters and voices. I think that’s when your creativity is developed, when you’re young. I liked the world of the imagination because it was an easy place to go to.

Children’s books are often seen as the poor relation of literature. But children are just as demanding as adult readers, if not more so. I should know. I’m a children’s writer myself.

I have always liked shows that have laughter in them.

I’ve just swum the length of the Thames. I feel quite tired.

It’s strange how sometimes you can be so happy it goes all the way round to sadness.

I’m terribly attention-seeking. It’s very different once you get all this attention, though. Because then you want to control it. And you can’t exactly.

I’ve noticed that once you leave London you do kind of become a bit more famous. People in London are a bit too cool for school. It’s not so unusual to see someone from London in the street. But outside of London people are a bit more excited to see you and come out and support you.

The most used piece of kit in my kitchen is my saucepan. I use it every morning to cook my porridge in. The least used piece of equipment? I’d say a food mixer. I’ve never used it, I don’t really know what they’re for.

The one good thing about our school was the Cadets; I chose to be in the Navy, purely for the sailor’s outfit. A pity we had to give them back.

It was impossible to sleep. Anxiety stopped me from falling asleep; depression woke me up.

I don’t know what I’ll be like when I’m 60. I already have the traits of a retired gentleman.

All you can do in this life is follow your dreams. Otherwise you’re just wasting your time.

All human life can be found in an airport.

I haven’t traditionally been a family entertainer.

I don’t have a fear factor. Well, not much of one. And I’m willing to risk quite a lot – as a comedian, you’re always risking a lot. You’re risking failure, especially if you’re improvising and going on TV shows trying to make comedy out of thin air. That is quite a risky business.

I was the kind of person who got bullied and loved the attention of it.

There’s something about being a comedian that means you have to not be scared of failing because failing is part of the process.

I haven’t put much effort into my personal life and blithely believe it will turn out all right in the end.

I think all those rules are boring. About what people can and can’t wear. Surely everyone should be able to wear whatever they like?

When I want comfort food, I buy Maltesers. I like all chocolates, but especially those. You can eat them, and because they’re so light, you can convince yourself that they are not actually that fattening.

I was depressed as a child. I found it hard to make friends. My favourite thing was locking myself in the bathroom and practising comedy routines.

Sometimes you meet people who can’t swim. And I always think: ‘Oh my God, that’s extraordinary.’ For me, it’s always been a treat… I just feel really happy in the water.

I am a huge fan of ‘Doctor Who.’

I still enjoy my life, and I feel like I’ve achieved enough things that if I never did anything again, I’d feel confident that I’d still have made my mark in some way. But maybe the self-loathing bit is the element that makes you strive for more. Makes you strive to be better.

Ricky Gervais would have you believe otherwise, but Sacha Baron Cohen is the most successful British comedian in the world.

I don’t have a lot to share with other men. My heart sinks when I get into a taxi and someone starts talking to me about football.

I was quite fat as a kid. And swimming is a sport you can enjoy whatever size you are. If you’re fat, running is a pain. I’m not really built for running.

I was born in 1971, and Tom Baker was sort of my obsession as a kid and that’s why we got him to do the voice over for ‘Little Britain’ because I was actually obsessed with Tom Baker.

My favourite restaurant of all time is Mildreds on London’s Lexington Street. It’s a little vegetarian restaurant and is really fun and healthy, too. It was the first place I went to in London and really liked. That was 20 years ago, and it is still my favourite.

It can be difficult to be subtle and not cartoony in prosthetics. But when you see characters like Bubbles and Desiree from ‘Little Britain’ on screen, it makes all the hard work worth it. It’s such fun watching those transformations.

I know somebody from university who’s called Phil Collins, and I think there’s something terribly unfortunate about sharing a name with somebody who either is famous or becomes famous.

I thrive off the company of others, I love being sociable.

I used to have a silk dressing gown an uncle bought in Japan and when I came downstairs in it, my dad used to call me Davinia. There was never embarrassment about that kind of thing. My sister used to dress me up a lot. She thought I was a little doll.

I would recommend that anyone who wants to do comedy on TV to do radio first.