Happy Valentines Day Funny Quotes

Happy Valentines Day Funny Quotes by Jon Stewart, Helen Keller, Eva Gabor, Rumi, Greg Giraldo, Ann Landers and many others.

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my g

Happy Valentine’s Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you’re probably alone. Valentine’s Day is often times a, well, it’s a manufactured day that really doesn’t mean anything.
Jon Stewart
Things must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller
Love is a game that two can play and both win.
Eva Gabor
This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.
Valentine’s day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine’s Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone’s like ‘Oh, happy valentine’s day!’ I even got a Valentine’s Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!
Greg Giraldo
The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.
Ann Landers
Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
Jay Leno
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.
Rita Rudner
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.
Thomas Merton
Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile.
Sean Connery
I’d rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck.
Emma Goldman
What a lover’s heart knows let no man’s brain dispute.
Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.
Helen Rowland
Come grow old with me. The best is yet to be.
William Wordsworth
Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.
Mickey Rooney
Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.
e. e. cummings
This is love: to fly toward a secret sky
Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love.
William Shakespeare
You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Dr. Seuss
One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
Oscar Wilde
Today is February 14th – St. Valentine’s day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as Extortion day.
Jay Leno
Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
Jules Renard
The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you.
‘Twas not my lips you kissed but my soul.
Judy Garland
It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight.
Vladimir Nabokov
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.
Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.
Arthur Dewar, Lord Dewar
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Ambrose Bierce
For you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.
Rosemonde Gerard
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller
My heart to you is given:
Oh, do give yours to me; We’ll lock them up together, And throw away the key.
Arthur Frederick Saunders
Like I’ve always said, love wouldn’t be blind if the braille weren’t so damned much fun.
Armistead Maupin
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
Lynda Barry
The greatest thing you’ll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return.
Eden Ahbez
The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Dorothy Parker
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
Dorothy Parker
Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.
Robert Browning
Love is not finding someone to live with; it’s finding someone you can’t live without.
Raphael Montanez Ortiz
Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me.
Sarah Bernhardt
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.
A. A. Milne
Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination.
If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.
Maya Angelou
Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.
Judith Viorst
Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine!
Thomas Hood
The art of love is largely the art of persistence.
Albert Ellis
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
Ingrid Bergman