MaryJanice Davidson Quotes

Can you burn me up with holy water? Poke me to death with your crucifix? Pelt me with communion wafers?

They weren’t moving. Perhaps I was dazzling then with my ineptitude. It had happened before.

It never failed—I’d buy a new journal, write like a madwoman for ten pages, then lose total interest in the process. Three months later, I’d start the whole process all over again. I think I just liked buying new notebooks.

You don’t scare me, Cadence Jones. I’ve lived with crazy, I’ve ridden with crazy, I’ve vacationed with crazy, I’ve visited crazy in various hospitals, I’ve sat in on therapy sessions with crazy. Frankly, I think women who don’t have major emotional disorders are really very dull.

It was scary how much she sounded like me sometimes. Maybe that’s why she totally got on my nerves

Magic: The Gathering is like Dungeons and Dragons if D&D was played with cards and didn’t take 18 weeks.

I know it’s practical for career women, but sneakers with suits? Jesus couldn’t possibly weep harder than I did.

I used to be a model and a medical test subject, though never at the same time. And since we didn’t have much money when I was a kid, I know how to fish and hunt for my supper. And I used to win awards in speech in high school, which comes in handy when I speak to 200 people at a writers’ conference.

I’d go to a bookstore, and I’d flip through flap copy, and I’d think, ‘If this gal can get published, I can get published.’

I’ve found I can plunge the characters into whatever absurd, awful situation, and readers will follow as long as the writer makes them seem like ‘real people.’

I’m more to my family than a wonderful, luminous cook. I’m also a wonderful, luminous butler and a wonderful, luminous chauffer. And checkbook. I’m a luminous checkbook, too.

I’m really fortunate that I type 120 words a minute.

Why is it suddenly uncool to spell? That’s all I want to know.

I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago.” “Waitress!” Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. “Bring two!” then, more quietly,”You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear?

I love traveling, but I love the bum I married, and the bums I gave birth to, more. And the dogs. I love them, too.

I zoomed in on the shoe department like a blonde homing pigeon. Shoes, shoes everywhere! Ah, sweet shoes. I truly think you can take the measure of a civilization by looking at its footwear.

Here I am, just wandering down a deserted street in the middle of the night. I hope I don’t run into any trouble. Goodness, that would just ruin my whole evening.” I strolled and hummed, trying to project Innocent Victim.

Kissing Sinclair was like making out with a sexy timber wolf— he was licking my fangs and nipping me lightly and growling under his breath and it was…oh, it was really something.

I might occasionally forget how to open a car door and have too many shower curtains, but I’ve got some standards.

I own two beautiful homes, and I’m always half-expecting the cops to pull in, seize me with firm compassion, and escort me out.

Never, EVER give up. Not ever. Not EVER. Ever EVER!

Also,I loathe it when you refer to me as dude” Eric Sinclair to Betsy

You have attained maturity; display it for us, if you please.

I wrote for free for, like, fifteen years; I could redo my parlor in rejection slips. It would be surprisingly tasteful – they use nice paper.

Majesty, I beg your forgiveness for the idignity you suffered and offer you the head of our enemy as—” “Put that thing down,” I said impatiently. “I can’t talk to you when you’re shaking his head like a damned maraca.

When I wrote the first Betsy book, ‘Undead and Unwed,’ I had no idea, none, that it would be a career-defining, genre-defining book, the first of over a dozen in the series, the first of over 70 published books, the first on my road to the best-seller list, the first on my road to being published in 15 countries.

I trudged around on the muddy river bottom for half an hour, patiently waiting to drown, before giving up and slogging my way back to shore.

I’m rubber and you’re glue,” I told Satan, ” and everything that bounces of me sticks to you.

I guess you could say that no matter what the characters are enduring, I try to make them retain their humanity. Their self-absorbed, grouchy, selfish, aggravating humanity.

It’s inappropriate for the queen of the dead to be afraid of ghosts.

Has anyone ever told you that you lack focus?

The silly antics that would get me in trouble at school have put me on the best-seller list. So I guess the moral here is ignore your teach… never mind. That’s not the moral. Probably.

I’ll cough up the bitter truth right now, at the risk of losing my Feminism Club Decoder Ring: I didn’t go see ‘Inside Out’ for Amy Poehler, though she’s terrific. I went to see my dark prince, Lewis Black.

I like the idea of federal employees licensed to carry weapons who are also heavily medicated; it just works for me on all sorts of levels.

I can’t not write funny. It’s literally the only way I know how to do it.

I love interviews, meeting fans, teaching workshops, giving speeches… all of it.