Mel Brooks Quotes

A lot of music is mathematics. It’s balance.

I’ve been taught ever since I was a kid that sex is filthy and forbidden, and that’s the way I think it should be. The filthier and more forbidden it is, the more exciting it is.

These men both publicly and privately have done so much for me. Without Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick I would be living in a little motel just around the corner here, trying to make ends meet.

Anybody can direct, but there are only eleven good writers.

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re gonna be dizzy and we’re gonna make mistakes.

If you’re quiet, you’re not living. You’ve got to be noisy and colorful and lively.

I’ve been accused of vulgarity. I say that’s bullshit.

The only thing we don’t have a god for is premature ejaculation… but I hear that it’s coming quickly.

Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.

I’m still a horse that can run. I may not be able to win the Derby, but what do you do when you retire? People retire and they vegetate. They go away and they dry up.

You cannot have fun with anything that you don’t love or admire or respect.

All short women have a delayed fuse. Marry a taller woman: My wife was an inch or two taller than me; it’s a sign of security.

It’s talent. Either you got it or you ain’t.

I love writing songs. I’m a songwriter.

Oh, I’m not a true genius. I’m a near genius. I would say I’m a short genius. I’d rather be tall and normal than a short genius.

As far as songwriters, I’ve always been a fan of Irving Berlin, Cole Porter, and George Gershwin; those guys mean a lot to me.

Well, you know, ‘Spaceballs’ is a weird combination, because it’s a simple, sweet little fairytale, and it’s crazy and out-there and making fun of and taking apart sci-fi, ‘Star Wars’, and ‘Star Trek’.

You want to be as smart as you can about being stupid.

Everything starts with writing. And then to support your vision, your ideas, your philosophy, your jokes, whatever, you’ve gotta perform them and/or direct them, or sometimes just produce them.

A cinema villain essentially needs a moustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks up his next nasty plan.

Tragedy is what happens to me; comedy is what happens to you.

If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win.

I was in the army, and to me it was like a newsreel.

‘Mad About You’ was very fun.

I don’t have a mission. I don’t have a torch to burn.

I know how to make it a great musical. I’ve got to. It’s like I’ve got to see it on stage.

I like Chris Rock. He’s dangerous.

If Shaw and Einstein couldn’t beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none.

If presidents can’t do it to their wives, they do it to their country.

Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.

I’ll accept bad taste in a minute, as long as there’s some great comedy minds and performances.

I wish I was better looking.

Cat angels are the reason there are no mice angels.

Judd Apatow is pretty good, both as a producer and as a director.

You got to be brave. If you feel something, you’ve really got to risk it.

Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance.

There’s an army story in me, and I think there’s a WWII Brooks film somewhere.

The brilliance of Max Brooks is that he always quotes authorities at the back of his books that never existed. Like a Russian professor he made up that validates a story or character.

Dom DeLuise was a big man in every way. He was big in size and created big laughter and joy.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

But I have bad taste with a deep fount of intellectuality.

When you come to Germany as a Jew you have an uneasy feeling, but I’ve always felt okay in Berlin.

A brushstroke of vanity is good to add into the mix, to balance your timidity. We’re all blessed with a lot of timidity and a lot of worry and anxiety, and vanity is a good antidote.

Never retire! Do what you do and keep doing it. But don’t do it on Friday. Take Friday off. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, go fishing…Then Monday to Thursday, do what you’ve been doing all your life. My point is: Live full and don’t retreat.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him.

Being short never bothered me for three seconds. The rest of the time I wanted to commit suicide.

If you’re alive, make a lot of noise, because life is the very opposite of death.

Well, just being stupid and politically incorrect doesn’t work. You can be politically incorrect if you’re smart.

I only direct in self-defense.

We want to get people laughing; we don’t want to offend anybody.