Roast Quotes

As soon as a roast is announced, I get everybody – family, friends, waitresses, cab drivers – giving me jokes about the person getting roasted. I’m the mouthpiece for the masses.

Anybody who thinks that getting a communication from a voter in your district is spam – that guy is pork. Roast pork unless he changes his point of view.

I like eating pepperoni. I heat it up in the microwave and then I let it roast and then I eat it with cheese.

Singing songs like ‘The Man I Love’ or ‘Porgy’ is no more work than sitting down and eating Chinese roast duck, and I love roast duck.

My dad died right after performing at the Friars’ roast for Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. I have that tape somewhere. There’s still a lot of good jokes in there. I mean, that was 1958.

As for those grapefruit and buttermilk diets, I’ll take roast chicken and dumplings.

A hot dog at the game beats roast beef at the Ritz.

I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it’s so different from standup.

I love lamb shank. It’s my favorite thing. You don’t have it in America. It’s a younger meat – it just falls off the bone – it’s kind of like a roast. I really like blackened cod too.

George W. Bush was a silver spoon dolt with no record to speak of other than bankruptcy and selling tropical plants, and we let him sail into the White House, but Barack talks about religious fundamentalism and guns being prevalent in poor areas, and we roast him for weeks?

I started cooking seven years ago for real, and I started with pasta, and lasagna and roast chicken. Very normal American dishes. When I turned on Food Network, or any sort of cooking channel, that’s what people were making. So that’s where your education comes from.

Trinity Taylor and Ginger Minj both went on one of these big roast tours where the comedians all make fun of each other and I wrote their sets for that. Sometimes I help Monet X Change punch up jokes for her show, ‘The X Change Rate.’ I don’t charge Monet because she’s my best friend.

It might seem strange to feast on Guinea pig, but Ecuadorians love to eat cuy. Personally, I think it’s a phenomenal alternative to pork or chicken. High in protein, low in fat, cheap and easy to raise. Oh, and cuy tastes great, much like roast pig. You might call it a pet, but I prefer to call it dinner.

I love to roast vegetables – carrots, fennel, and so on. I also love to mash or puree pretty much any vegetable!

I think Eddie Murphy is the greatest comedian. I do think that Richard Pryor is the Godfather, but Eddie Murphy, in my opinion, has every comedic category in his arsenal. He can roast you. He can freestyle. He can host. He was LeBron James before we even saw LeBron James.

That whole concept of ‘I want to really go after people’ – I don’t understand that. Is it a roast, or is it an awards show?

As a former stand-up comic from my University of Michigan days, the opportunity to participate in a Friars Club roast was bucket-list stuff.

When you roast yourself, it makes everybody else comfortable.

Christmas was the one time of year when my brothers surfaced at home, when my parents and grandparents congregated to eat my mother’s roast turkey.

Robertsons love Sundays! The most important thing we do is gather together with our church family for worship, teaching, and fellowship. After church, we like to have a nice lunch of roast, vegetables, and definitely rolls or biscuits. And I love catching a nap when I can.

In the winter, my failsafe dinner party menu has to be my roast chicken or a creamy fish pie with mashed potatoes on top, followed by something like a tarte tatin. My cooking style is quite homely.

My mother is the sort of woman who not only can raise a chicken and roast it to moist perfection but, as she proved to my openmouthed sister and me on a family holiday to Morocco when we were very young, can barter for one in a market, kill it, pluck it, and then cook it to perfection.

My wife and I use a lot of garlic and rosemary with roast lamb. It has to be New Zealand lamb. The domestic variety is too gamy, in my experience.

I know Bea Arthur left the Pam Anderson roast really early, but it could have been because she was half dead; I don’t know.

On Christmas Eve, we have a duck or roast pork with caramelised potatoes, braised red cabbage and gravy. For dessert, we have ris a l’amande, a rice pudding, and whoever gets the whole almond in it wins an extra present. Then we dance around the tree and sing carols.

Occasionally a roast master needs to get out of Dodge.

I think if I hadn’t been a writer, I’d have been a teacher like my dad. He was a college professor, and one of my greatest regrets is that he passed away before I was able to prove to him that I wasn’t going to be stuck working at Rax Roast Beef for the rest of my life!

I grew up in Malden. Genetically, I was born to be as close to Kelly’s Roast Beef as possible.

America is a such a melting pot, I’m not sure if roast chicken is the classic comfort food for everybody.

When you roast a chicken perfectly, there’s nothing more delicious.

I love roast chicken, juicy summer tomatoes, and carrot cake slathered with tangy cream-cheese frosting.

When in doubt, cook a Sunday roast, get the family around you, and you’ll feel fine afterwards.

I love being at home now, improving my cooking. I’ve got a really bad memory, so my first attempts were a disaster – I’d forget what ingredients to put in. But I do a lasagna that’s a crowd-pleaser, and a good lemon drizzle cake, which I take to my mom’s for the Sunday roast to fatten the family up.

Oh, I love Nottingham. I know some people go, ‘Oh God, there’s not much going off there,’ but I like staying in and going round to my mum and dad’s for a Sunday roast.

I’ve thrown vanilla beans into mustard. Nothing crazy or grainy, just normal dijon. It’s great for duck. Smear some of that right on the duck, coupled with some roast plums, and it all comes together in that savory over sweet over savory over sweet way we all love.

Mustard’s no good without roast beef.

I’m a fan of a big roast or a bolognese, but I also love baking.

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother.

There is nothing like roast chicken. It is helpful and agreeable, the perfect dish no matter what the circumstances. Elegant or homey, a dish for a dinner party or a family supper, it will not let you down.

I like to cook simple things, like vegetable egg-white omelets; roast chicken; sauteed chicken breast with curry powder; and Greek salad. Just things that are fresh and healthy and fast and easy, because I have such a crazy schedule.

I’m not mean. I can’t do a roast.

I love potatoes – roast potatoes, mashed potatoes – I just love potatoes.

Roast potatoes – I can’t say no. At Christmas, I reach over for the fifth or sixth one, and I think I could keep going until I explode.

A roast is like a get-together where people come down and talk about you and dog you out, the way you came up, the knucklehead things that you did, stuff like that.

I do a big roast of Trump during my set now – which I clearly expanded on – because there’s so much to make fun of him about now.

My mom cooked pot roast with noodles and frozen vegetables. Or she’d make spaghetti or hot dogs, or heat up TV dinners. Before I started modeling at age 19, I was 5’8″ and weighed 165 pounds.

I remember, after the Pamela Anderson roast, being told, ‘You’re sold out – you can add two more shows.’

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it’s time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.

I’ve always said fashion is like roast chicken: You don’t have to think about it to know it’s delicious.

Classics can be phenomenal when done right. A simple roast chicken dish could be the best thing you ever eat.

For less than the cost of a Big Mac, fries and a Coke, you can buy a loaf of fresh bread and some good cheese or roast beef, which you will enjoy much more.

There’s nothing like a roast parsnip, you don’t want them too chewy though.

If you want to get really crazy, Brussels sprouts love cured pork. Crisp up some bacon, pancetta, or chorizo in a skillet; save the crisp bits; use the fat to roast the sprouts; then toss them together with the meat when they come out of the oven.

It’s not color, it’s like pouring 40 tablespoons of sugar water over a roast.

Garlic oil is one of my favorite things on the planet. You can roast 20 cloves of garlic in oil and use it in everything – you can even slide those soft whole cloves into a dish of hot mashed potatoes.

A five-pound boneless rolled-and-tied breast of veal, like any other piece of meat fit for braising, can come in many shapes and sizes. So recipe times aren’t uniformly applicable. A long and thin tied roast will cook more quickly than its stouter, football-shaped cousin.

The feeling of friendship is like that of being comfortably filled with roast beef; love, like being enlivened with champagne.

I’m not really great at writing things down unless for a roast or a particular event.

I love roast dinners, simple avocado salads, spicy Vietnamese papaya salad, all fish and seafood, a good steak.

My mother would do roast pork, which was my all-time favorite from her. And my dad would cook pork cutlets. Nothing fancy. Or throw a big stack of English muffin pizzas in front of me and Im as happy as a clam.

I grew up in Beijing and Beijing roast duck is my favorite. My mom makes it every year for Christmas Eve. How crispy the skin is is how good a duck restaurant is.

I love liver and onions or a roast dinner.

I’ve actually tried to roast somebody that I don’t like, and it doesn’t go well. Either they’re a bad sport or I’m not as funny as I could be.

I had my first French meal and I never got over it. It was just marvelous. We had oysters and a lovely dry white wine. And then we had one of those lovely scalloped dishes and the lovely, creamery buttery sauce. Then we had a roast duck and I don’t know what else.

I love to shop at the farmer’s market or grab something from the garden and roast that.

I do a very good Sunday roast.

I do ‘The Howard Stern,’ make me happy. Also I sold out Comedy Store in the Los Angeles for my roast. This way everybody know I make the people laugh and happy. I love it.

If we have friends over for dinner, I do the cooking. I like the pressure of a big meal and the technical challenges of a roast.

I’m completely obsessed with Sunday roast dinners. I think that it’s the best thing to ever happen to life!

My hubby makes a mean salmon steak at the grill, but he leaves all the sides up to me. I love to grill and roast vegetables. I also experiment with baking instead of frying some things, like onion rings. I even make biscuits with coconut oil these days.

The vulgar boil, the learned roast, an egg.

I think the first thing you should learn is how to roast a chicken. Once you can roast a chicken, you can pretty much figure out anything else. And who doesn’t like roasted chicken? It’s a classic.

At home in L.A., Sunday is lazy. It’s the wife and me lying in bed with coffee, watching ‘The Soup’ or something funny on TiVo. The kid will occasionally join us. Eventually, breakfast is at a place down the street called Paty’s. And we always have some kind of great dinner – my wife makes a great roast beef.

My ultimate cheat meal, and my last meal if I was on death row, would be a roast dinner. I’m just such a Sunday roast fan. But I also want the dessert – I want the cheese board.

A roast is really an honor. If they picked me to be roasted, I’d be the most flattered I’d be in my life. If I could pick some people to roast, I’d pick my heroes, Don Rickles and Howard Stern. Those are the people I’d like to give some honor to.

Blue cheese and dates are really good if you wrap it in prosciutto. Roast it at about 400 degrees. I love having it with Fullman’s mustard.