Simon Rich Quotes

“It’s not just about Jen,” he said. “It’s about the entire romantic system. Ninety-nine percent of men are in love with the top one percent of women. And yet they often refuse to date us. It’s a complete injustice.

There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.

I never felt ostracized or made to feel strange by obsessing over ‘The Onion’ or ‘Calvin and Hobbes.’ That was considered completely normal.

I never really liked “cool” books. I plowed through as much Borges and Joyce as possible, read the first half of V. and spent whole Bar Mitzvah checks on Beat poetry.

People are funny in like young adulthood, just like how people’s musical tastes are cool, but it changes very rapidly. In five or ten years, I’ll probably still be confident about what’s funny but it probably won’t be funny anymore.

I try not to write jokes that are mean. I try my best to write jokes that are pretty universal and jokes that don’t attack anyone. I know I often fall short of that and end up taking unfair swipes at people, but I try not to.

Most of my work is, I get an idea, and, with the help of Wikipedia, I can write. I don’t have to leave my apartment.